two visionaries visualizing.

Why do we still do this crazy shit, man? 

I’m not mad because I’m losing an hour of sleep. I don’t go to bed like a normal person to begin with. I’m mad because with every passing minute, daylight saving time makes less and less sense. 

I’ve been trying to get to the bottom of this business for the past six years and every source I consult comes out with a different variety of the same bullshit. I’ve come to the conclusion that the logic behind instituting Daylight Saving Time is because we can’t figure out a good reason to stop instituting Daylight Saving Time. 

Daylight Saving Time is kind of like that picture of your Aunt Myrna that’s been in the same place in your house your entire life. You don’t know why it’s there. You don’t know who put it there. It kind of pisses you off when you think about it, but then you sneeze or the dog walks in and you forget about it. 

The best explanation I can come up with for DST is that the powers that be (whoever can tell me who’s in charge of keeping time in the universe will get a free ride on a pony) want to move the hours of daylight into our waking hours. 

Does that make sense? No, I’m genuinely asking. I don’t know if that sentence made sense. Let me re-phrase it.

The closer we get to summer, the earlier the sun rises. It also sets later. With standard time, we can take advantage of the later sunset because we’d be awake anyway. But we can’t take advantage of the earlier sunrise without altering our sleeping pattern. DST attempts to alter our sleeping patterns for us, giving us more sun in the morning and more sun at night. 

That’s cool, right? But the part that I’m missing is how exactly I’m expected to take advantage of this additional morning sunshine. This whole thing made sense when most of America’s economy was based on how many heads of edible corn I could churn out.

But in modern America, nobody really does shit. 

I’ll stop rambling. Set your clocks back tonight. Or forward. Do whatever the cable box says. 

Written by Justin J. Milliner who is bugging out about Daylight Saving Time. 

I was awoken this morning by the sound of my own death. 

Actually, it was my younger brother throwing up. He’s a big kid. Six feet, five inches. 250 pounds and some change. I always wonder how it was possible for the same two parents to yield him after yielding a five foot, ten inch and 150 trumpet playing comedian. 

But anyway, I’ve never heard someone throw up the way this guy threw up at 4 in the morning. It reverberated around the house. He was completely fine the night before. He even played a concert with his high school wind ensemble. He’s also a trumpet player. Technically. 

I couldn’t replicate this sound without throwing up myself. That’s how epic it was. It was kind of like a combination of every orally produced bodily function, rolling together into one abrupt noise, preceded and proceeded by deep breathing and praying. 

It was a burp, cough, sneeze and gag all in one. It was terrifying. Especially when you’re in the middle of making love to Norah Jones. 

Written by Justin J. Milliner who can’t think of a better way to start his Friday. 

Hey, you know what? Today is the 100th anniversary of the creation of the Oreo cookie. For more information on that, do a Google search or something. 

In honor of America’s (or Milk’s, depending on where you live) Favorite Cookie, take a minute to think about what your life would be like without Oreo cookies. It’s not a pretty picture, is it?

While Rush Limbaugh calls law students sluts and Mitt Romney talks about how many Cadillacs his wife drives, it’s nice to know that there’s at least one piece of news that is encouraging. 

Encouraging in that we can all at least agree upon one good cookie. For one hundred years. 

So, go ahead and have yourself an Oreo cookie (or three, or seventeen). 

Justin J. Milliner

But that’s something you probably already knew. 

His recent comments about a college law student transcend rudeness and indecency. They’re just plain ridiculous. 

Now, I don’t usually get political, and I generally think that people should be forgiven for their mistakes, even when they are egregious. 

But this is just stupid. So far, a lot of major advertisers have pulled their ads from his show, and rightfully so. I never want to wish ill will on someone, but I want all of his advertisers to pull out. 

He has since apologized. But only after a huge chunk of his advertisers had already pulled out. In fact, he initially supported his comments, and refused to apologize.

It’s got nothing to do with his stance. His opinion in this case is almost irrelevant. It’s the fact that he would intentionally and personally insult someone that has a view opposite his own. 

Written by Justin J. Milliner who never liked the guy to begin with. 

I’m really happy that you sat in the stall next to mine to take your shit. I am feeling particularly unhealthy today, especially after eating General Tso’s chicken. I knew shortly after eating that there was going to be an explosion of grease, MSG and artificial colors/fillers/flavors in a nearby toilet bowl, which would require a lot of time and paper to take care of.

As I immersed myself in self-loathing and worry if I would make it through this bowel movement, you came along and took a shit. Right next to me.

It was during your shit that I realized I was actually not unhealthy. Not unhealthy at all. In fact, I was impeccably healthy. I’m certain of this because the noises coming out of your stall were comparable to those of a tropical tsunami…you know, all the drippings, spillings, pourings and splatterings. The dark colors which filled the air reminded me of that time I had mistaken WD 40 for chicken broth. 

What mixture of fats, carbs and salts would cause you to pant and scoff like you just crossed a marathon finish line? I hope the hemorrhoids you left behind are septic-safe…

Anyway, thanks. Thanks for assuring me that I had nothing to worry about. I hope we shit together again soon.

- Jough Pic

Both Visionaries love these guys. I’m not one of those music snobs that brag about knowing groups “before anyone else.” Because saying that doesn’t really mean anything now, does it? The fact that you knew about a good artist before someone else only means that you have the time to look for new artists. 

But that’s neither here nor there. Joe found out about these guys sometimes last spring or early summer and I remember he played their album in the car with me and I loved it. Maybe a week or two after that I started hearing their stuff on the radio and it genuinely made me happy. 

In this world of Nicki Minajs and David Guettas and other lifeless and uninteresting sounding techno music dominating what’s left of terrestrial radio, it’s nice to know that a small group can make it onto the airwaves based off of the merit and appeal of their music. 

And their music is very appealing, very fresh and very fun. It’s the perfect pop-rock mix, I think. It can be experimental, but in a tasteful way. Their entire album sounds fun and exciting. 

Their also another example of how television and advertising campaigns can be an even more effective way of getting your song attention than the radio. Many songs off of their first studio album, Torches can be heard on television ads. 

Listen to these guys, if you haven’t already. They’re a talented, creative and fun group. And I’m glad musicians like them can still find a way to be successful. 

Justin J. Milliner

You know what they say?

Flattery and imitation are distant cousins. Right? Is that how it goes?