two visionaries visualizing.

I have a proposal to make. I think it’s something I’d like to pass on to my local congressperson, but first I figured it’d be better to write it here. 

Here in the US of A, we enjoy very few limitations on our speech. We have the right to say what we want when we want, in any way we want as long as it isn’t violent or threatening. 

One of the few limitations on freedom of speech was established by Supreme Court Justice Oliver Wendall Holmes, Jr. He wrote:

“The most stringent protection of free speech would not protect a man falsely shouting fire in a theater and causing a panic. […] The question in every case is whether the words used are used in such circumstances and are of such a nature as to create a clear and present danger that they will bring about the substantive evils that Congress has a right to prevent.”

The “clear and present danger” ruling. It’s pretty self explanatory. Don’t yell “Fire!” in a crowded place unless there’s a fire. It’s the same train of legal logic that makes it illegal to pull an alarm when there’s no need to.

The goal is not to cause a “panic”. If a group of people in a crowded place think there’s a fire, it’s likely that a panic will ensue. Phrases like, “I have a gun!” and, more recently, “In the name of Allah!” are also potentially panic-causing, for better or worse.

But one noticeable absence to the short-list is the phrase, “oh shit.” I can’t speak for everyone, but I’m pretty sure that many will agree that hearing someone scream, “Ohh, shit!” would make them panic.

Those two little words can signify an enormous amount of things. Here are a few examples.

“Oh shit, I can’t see!”

“Oh shit, a weapon of mass destruction!”

“Oh shit, a glacier!”

“Oh shit, I don’t think that’s a dog!”

“Oh shit, it’s Kathy Lee Gifford!”

“Oh shit! Someone hit the red button!”

The possibilities are infinite. However, the words “oh shit” can be, and usually are said in times of extreme duress or any other state of realization. Knowing that, as a culture, we should know not to say exclaim this unless an unidentified four-legged animal is actually present, for example.

I think it is important that we identify legally when it is okay to yell “oh shit.” An idiot yelling, “oh shit!” in a crowded theater will have largely the same effect, if not worse, than an idiot yelling “fire!”

Think about this. And someone write that letter for me. I’ve done enough writing. 

**Phrases such as “what the fuck?!”, as well as variants like “holy shit!” apply just as well.**

- Justin J. Milliner

Don’t tell me this. Because I will end up thinking you will literally start running to the bathroom in the case of an extreme emergency.

You see, when people say they are running to the bathroom, they actually just end up going (walking) to the bathroom.

In the literal sense of ‘running’ to the bathroom, one would just stop what they’re doing, and frantically run for access to the nearest toilet.

There would be no verbal acknowledgment of the emergency.

The only acceptable acknowledgment can be any variation of “oh shit…”

LLAMAS

OSTRICHES 

WILD BOARS

ROAD RUNNERS

I don’t need to describe what a hangover is. Most are aware of what it describes. But I believe that hangovers can be induced by any sort of excess - not just alcohol related. 

Think of yourself going to a loud concert. Or like when you decide to start boxing, for some reason.  The night of and the next day, your ears are ringing and buzzing. Right?The next day, if you aren’t dead, you should feel a little sore.

A hangover really, in my opinion, is any result (or perhaps consequence) of an over-indulgence or an excess. 

I came to this conclusion when I woke up one morning after eating three bacon and sausage filled pancakes from a diner. Plus two eggs, and two slices of toast. And coffee. I sort of felt like my intestines were filled with gravel. And not much longer after that, my bathroom was victimized but what can best be described as a symphony of chaos. 

I was experiencing a food hangover. 

Alternative uses for the chemicals things in your shampoo.

CAPRYLIC/CAFID TRIGLYCERIDE - Also a blood thinner.

STEARAMIDOPROPYL - relieves vaginal dryness and the resulting loneliness.

ASPARTIC ACID - secondary weapon of Spartacus

DISTEARYLDIMONIUM CHLORIDA - common agent that is sprayed on disc breaks to retain their purpose.

LAYROYL LYSINE - future industry-standard eye drops. Currently relieves eye dryness. And the resulting loneliness.

CYMBOPOGON SCHOENANTHUS EXTRACT - derivative of various Chinese buffet offerings.

MACROCYSTIS PYRIFERA - found in diners - used to fluff your eggs.

ISOSTEARAMIDE - potential Survivor location

PG-DIMONIUM - something or another to do with a PG movie

POLYQUARTERNIUM 7- is a currency among parakeets.

DMDM HYDANTOIN - found in Taco Bell meat.

PEG-5 COCAMIDE - colonoscopy prep solution.

COCAMIDOPROPYL BETAINE - a support group for post-colonoscopy patients

METHYLCHLOROISOTHIAZOLINONE - a drug abused by failing colonoscopy patients.

   &

METHYLISOTHIAZOLINONE  - Lady Gaga’s feline companion.

SPIRULINA MAXIMA EXTRACT - a piece from Nissan’s future aircraft for Spirit Airlines.

PPG-9 - Artillery concept for 007

MICA CL 77019 - Android smartphone processor currently under development.